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When it first started she was nothing but a homeless orphan. Nothing special, only a five year old, but an occult wanted to use her. They took her in, and taught her their ways. She blindly followed them, wanting nothing more than to please them and to be loved. 

Four years later the time came, the time to summon a demon. That night she chanted with them, acting excited when she was shaking. They saw this, and got angry. They spat things to her and she asked to stop. They got angry, and decided to use her body for the summoning. She ran, trying to get away, but they caught her, and tore her body apart, strewing her insides throughout the area. They continued their chants, determined to summon the demon.

Hours later, they succeeded. The demon crawled from the ground, looking to them with six eyes filled with darkness. They cheered, and demanded the demon bend the their will. He grinned, using his powers to tear their bodies apart.  He would listen to know one, and made sure they paid for their ignorance with their lives. 

He then looked over to Lapin. He stalked over to her, seeing her torn body and decided to use her. He used his power to reconstruct her body, changing her. She awoke to find him, and yelled out in fear. He had used a lot of his power to reconstruct her body, and he explained everything to her. She cried, feeling betrayed and heartbroken. He mocked her, showing no emotion to her.

She was his now, and helped him catch humans. He changed forms, using their forms to their advantage. Time passed on, and over the years, she grew on him. He protects her, and trains her. They work together now, and are a team. 
  • Listening to: Craziedfan blab on and on....
I realized this whole time i've been putting my story as a jounal instead of accually submitting it...DX AAAHHHHHHHHHH XD WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?! 
  • Listening to: Waiting between worlds
  • Watching: Youtube

    To some the definition of beauty could be a pond encased in ice, or the beauty achieved with makeup or something. To us, the people, there are so many forms of beauty..


To me nothing seems more beautiful than a twisted tree with leaves. To me it shows hardship and pain, but i also shows hope and love. I see a life that’s been through the world and lived. Truly LIVED! I see the pain and misery, but i also such wonderful things i can’t fathom…


I wish I could be that strong, but i’m still alive so who knows..Maybe I too can someday be like that tree.  


  • Listening to: The grey
  • Reading: V is for villian
  • Watching: Youtube

* Before yo go into this i just want to say i don't do this much anymore. I have long term depression and I've had it for about six years now. I've only now started the healing process and i'm getting better. I felt the need to write what i felt and i ended putting it up on here. 





What have I done to myself

I've let it go to far

I look at myself and I don't even know whom i'm looking at...

I feel as if im clinging to the last piece of myself

Sometimes I want to give up

Let the darkness envelope me

Wrap around my body

Suffocate me, pressing in

It seems desirable

Then the other part of me screams

NO! I don't want to become that

My own nothingness disgust me

Im afraid for my loved ones

Its sefish of me to do this to myself

To pretend im okay

But...if they found out they'd be devastated

Mom wouldn't trust me

I promise im not suicidal

My cuts just release my wrongness, demons inside

Doesn't hurt

Just a sting

They aren't that deep...

Just one more

I'm fine

I promise I wont do it again

The darkness is coiling around me

I don't know what to do

No im fine just tired

Just tired...

I promise

I love you too

It's not you

I feel if I push you away you wont get hurt

You wont know my secret

It's okay you didn't believe me

When I said I had a anxiety attack

That you thought I was sad or moppy

I understand

I understand you don't want it to be true

I feel im crazy

That im being ridiculous

That im overreacting

Stupid

Im sorry your right

Im fine

Im sorry

Just tired

It wont happen again I promise

I love you


  • Reading: Chains

I was a mistake.

Mom wont say it but I know. She was never supposed to have me. My dad wasn't the best, I because he wasn't. I fucking hate when people say im so heartless, that im a demon for not caring. I'm not here to get pity so don't try and im really not here to get hate so don't do that shit okay?

I was a still born.

When I was born the cord was around my throat and I was dead. The doctor took me and put these tubs down my throat and he saved me. Grandma said that she was so scared I was going to die. I lived though, it was a supposed miracle.

It wasn't.

My mom and dad didn't get along very well so they broke up and so dad only got me a few times a month. I don't know what we did but grandma always said I smelled like weed when I came home. when I was two my dad got really high and he called my mom saying he was going to kill us. Mom called the police and they took him to jail. I never saw him again.

So my mom shut down. She never talked to me and my grandma raised me as best as she could but she was always at work and couldn't always be there. So I was alone for a long time. I grew up with this kid named Robin and he was great. When I was five or so I start to ask about my dad and mom always said he was in a time out so I thought he would come back one day. He never did.

I'll never forget. How can I? I was playing with robin and was just messin around when my mom called me inside. I told Robin I would be right back but mom said no I wouldn't so I said bye and went inside. Mom sat me down and said she had something to tell me.

My dad had hung himself.

She just said it. No tears, no feeling, just flat out told an eight year old her father killed himself. I Never felt so... I don't know how to say it.. Can you imagine? I mean I was waiting for him to come home, he would smile and say im home and we'd be happy. Mom would stop ignoring me and we'd live together. Then just like that. Gone.

I forgot to tell you about my little brother. We were really half sibilings but I never felt so much love for something so small and tiny. So I swore to always protect him. His dad hated me, and I hated him.

He was so cruel. he would beat my mom and make me watch then when mom left he would him me and throw things at me. I was six at the time it started. One night he got really drunk and mom was gone so he got a knife and went to my brothers room. Before he got there I slammed into him and took the knife from him.

I pointed it at him and told him to stay away from my brother. He was so drunk he tried to come forward again and I cut him on his arm. He stopped and wen away. Where he went I have no idea.

Mom broke up with him and we moved back with grandma. So we stayed there three years and mom met yet another man. Three months later we had to move. I was furious. I mean how dare she?! Will she never learn?! Robin said I needed to calm down and give him a chance. So I did. Before I moved I went outside and was just sitting there when Robin came and asked how I was. I told him I was scared and not ready he just held me close to him and told me it would be okay. He told me he would always be there for me.

So we moved. We moved to Mississippi long beach and I never saw Robin again. It turned out for the better and life was good. The man my mom met was named Sandy and he was a good guy. Mom tried to get close to me but I still wont let her. I can't.  Not after all the shit she put me through. 

Then one day I told her I didn't like abortions and then she out of the blue told me...


That's she's had one.


I had never cried so had so hard in my life.


I broke down. I started to just yell and scream at nothing. Even worse, I had started to cut. I would hear things that no one else could. I would be happy one second and go into a rage the next.


But I got better.

The pain will never go away but it will hopefully get better.

That's it for now life is okay and I can sleep more that I used to. That's the jist of it but I still did some shit im not proud of and won't ever be. I still get the nightmares and cant sleep most nights. But im okay.

That's it for now